PANIC!

Ever had one of those days when you’re convinced that you’re about to fail your Ph.D and get booted out of uni?  Well that was my day, today.  Not just crippled by the creeping self-doubt that I’m sure many of us know so well, I genuinely haven’t done enough work.

Although I work part-time in one of the Professions, it is still part-time, and not all engineering careers have lucrative salaries. So I welcomed any chance of overtime with open arms. I embraced the 9-to-9 lifestyle so wholeheartedly, that I haven’t been to university very much at all in, er, the past two months. Oops.

But it’s not just the promise of extra dosh that’s causing me to stray from my university home. I’ve been given more duties at work, and I’m hoping to get through the Chartership process a.s.a.p. All this extra responsibility and status doesn’t maintain itself, and it’s necessary to put in the extra hours. Oh, and I’ve started skating (roller derby) again, I do volunteer work, and I have a bustling social life. So finding time to eat and sleep, let alone study, can be challenging.

Anyway, it’s time to register for the 14/15 academic year, and as I went to fill in the requisite forms online, I took stock of the milestones that I had not reached. I thought “I don’t deserve to be here”.  I went to see my tutor for Confession Time, and it actually turned out to be a very positive experience.

He did note that I have not been around for a lot of the time, but he was more concerned for my well-being than anything (awwwwwww).

I was honest with him about the total lack of work I had managed to do, and we agreed a timetable for me to get back to where I should be. I’m also taking a couple of weeks away from work-work to complete my literature review. So things are no longer insurmountable, and I’m feeling a lot better about my own abilities.

Now I just need to stick to my own plan.

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