Because I’ve been going back over old posts, to check that they’re formatted correctly (oh yes, there is some spring cleaning going on!), I’ve also re-read a lot of things that I posted over the first two years. It’s interesting looking back, but it was part of a mammoth task that won’t go away (changing my WordPress theme caused me a world of pain – there’d have to be something really special to make me do that again). I noticed that the further back the posts went, the more simplistic they were, and they were more likely to be reblogs of other content.
|A part of this is that my writing style has just developed anyway since then (if I’d gone backwards, I’d worry), but when I was mentally healthier I used to be able to trot out opinion pieces like magazines were going out of fashion (turns out they were, hurrah for the Internet!). With the fog brought down by depression, I could actually feel the cognitive decline. It was scary – a part of my OCD is hypochondria, and I believed I had a neurodegenerative illness. But the inability to concentrate, and poor memory, are symptoms of depression, which is a far more likely cause in someone of my age.
And while earlier pieces might not have been that original, or very well constructed; they’re a part of my recovery, and so I will leave them as they are. Maybe I’ll look back on this post two years from now and think this is a load of crap. And here’s hoping – if I can be an even better thinker in future then I’ll be a happier & better person.